Thrilling Tales: The Monument of Mystery

Filed under Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

Explorers on the Earthlike planet Wurlitzer 1015 are dumbfounded when they discover an ancient, mysterious monument brooding over its hills. What can it mean? Where can it have come from?

This retro science fiction pulp style illustration is an object lesson that shows us how little we really know of the worlds – or of the jukeboxes – that crowd the universe. The archaeological dig is still in progress; but there’s no doubt that these platter spinning aliens were here long before we were. And where are they now? Only the cryptic message “8 TRAK RULZ” may point the way.

Okay, sorry, I made that part up.

Yep, it’s another fake sci fi pulp magazine cover, and like the others, I’ve splattered it across T-Shirts, a poster, an archival print, blank books, greeting cards and, well, anything else that wasn’t moving too fast for me. And I’ve gotta say, I’m still sort of spry. Ish.

Thrilling Tales: Bonnie Scarlet & the Sky Pirates

Filed under Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

Wronged by men & betrayed by fate, Bonnie Scarlet sails the airship REVENGE across the known worlds in an unending quest for plunder, justice, and just plain peevishness. Why? Because, that’s why. What do you mean by that?

Ladies: it’s a dream come true.

Gentlemen: Okay. It’s like this. That time last week when you found yourself standing behind a tree with guacamole all over your head, muttering “What just HAPPENED?” is pretty much all systems nominal for Bonnie Scarlet.

You’ll have learned by now that there’s not actually anything you can do to avoid the rampaging hordes of either sky pirates or your girlfriend. So like the various law enforcement agencies of Retropolis you’ve come to rely on ducking – and it’s important to avoid ducking straight down – or running, when necessary, and at all other times you’ve just got to be prepared to stand and deliver.

But hey, it could be worse – and that’s an actual quote from the Space Patrol – because whatever else you can say about her* she does what she does with uncommon style. ‘Cause really, it’s not just anybody who has their own airship, right?

*When she’s on the other side of the Moon, I mean.

Available – without guacamole – on shirts, posters, greeting cards, and non-shatterproof coffee mugs.

Thrilling Tales: The Toaster With TWO BRAINS

Filed under Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual, Works in Progress

Here’s a retro science fiction pulp magazine cover for a magazine that doesn’t exist, but probably ought to: THRILLING TALES OF THE DOWNRIGHT UNUSUAL.

In this imaginary issue we have that nail-biting page turner “The Toaster with TWO BRAINS”, in which our heroes delve deep into the hostile lair of Doctor Rognvald, beneath the volcanoes of Iceland – only to discover that this evil genius has created the ultimate malevolent kitchen appliance: the Toaster with TWO BRAINS! Is it unstoppable? Immovable? Relentless? Horrifying? Unkillable? You bet it is.

Because a toaster with one brain isn’t terrifying. But two? Talk about the heebie-jeebies!

If I were able to explain this…. I wouldn’t. You can wonder all you like about infant toaster traumas. I’m not talking. Except to observe, as is my habit, that I cooked this thing up to serve fresh to you, dear reader, as an archival print, a poster, stylish t-shirt, greeting card, and coffee mug – just the thing for that apocalyptic breakfast that the toaster has in mind for us all.