Yep, it must be t-shirt season again, because through June 21st you can save 15 big old percentage points off the price of the t-shirts at Retropolis and The Celtic Art Works. That’s five more percentage points than ten!
So whether your taste runs to giant robots or to knotwork Cthulhu, I’ve got something, somewhere, to get you covered. And, yes: please do that. Think of the children!
In arguments, as in most things in life, there’s a decided advantage to being a Giant Robot.
I don’t claim that this is fair.
Some of us, despite our rigorous attention to logic and rhetoric; despite our faithful attendance at the debate club; completely without reference to our careful preparation and well-reasoned arguments, were simply not born with gigantic cannons mounted in our chests. Through no fault (or merit) of our own, our fists are not five hundred pound mallets made for mayhem.
It’s not a level playing field, in other words.
All I can say is: buck up, keep a stiff upper lip, and be prepared to run through the streets while you shriek like the teakettle of doom.
I nearly didn’t complete this one because it could be too true to be funny.
But I did complete it, possibly to make sure that even argumentative Giant Robots can have their day, their t-shirt, and their poster. And since Giant Robots come in every size, shape, and disposition, there are shirts for men, women, and kids.
Please remember, though, that even if you have fists like five hundred pound mallets made for mayhem… you don’t have to use them.
By entering this laboratory and reading this sign, you have irrevocably and permanently (not to say, voluntarily) relinquished all and every means of remedy or remediation regarding any action by the occupant, including (but not limited to) any and all forms of behavior that may be considered to be violations of your “basic human rights” whether through common usage or through action, definition, or establishment of law.
Now, if you’ll just step on the red “X” and hold your breath for a moment, we will begin.
The cause of Science (Mad) thanks you for your cooperation in this matter, and during any event that is about to occur. Which will be awesome.
Once again, my dear experimental subject, you are invited to drape your comely torso with this handsome and practical garment from the Retropolis Transit Authority. It functions as a perfectly usable and possibly a legally binding EULA, to serve at once the interests of Science and Amusement.
As do we all.
The most anticipated event of every year is the “Rockets of Tomorrow!” exhibition by the Retropolis Rocket Works. That’s the show where we find out what exciting new models are about to pour off the production lines at one of the city’s most famous factories.
And what a show it is! In recent years visitors went agog over the introduction of the Pulsating Phaeton, the Auburn Beauty Six, and the Morgan Plus Forty-Eight.
And even in those years when we haven’t seen a major model launched the Rocket Works has always shown us fantastic advancements and new features for their existing lines, offering what Brooks Stevens has called:
“…something a little newer, a little better, a little sooner than is necessary.”
It may be a little sooner than is necessary… but we can’t wait to get ’em!
Brooks Stevens’ idea of planned obsolescence was a pretty benevolent one, when compared with the reality we’ve come to know and hate – the reality in which things are designed to last slightly longer than their warranties, I mean. But since we can ignore The Present We Really Have for the moment, let’s enjoy the gradual and steady improvement of things in The Future That Never Was.
And the point of that enjoyment, once again, is a new version of a Retropolis Transit Authority staple: the Retropolis Rocket Works t-shirt, poster, coffee mug, and mousepad.
And although I published them with less than a whisper, there are also thirteen (count ’em, thirteen!) new business card designs at Retropolis, too. From even more retro rockets through a variety of characters laboring away on mechanical typewriters; mad scientists of two genders; and some other odds and ends, as well. Because your business card should be as peculiar as you are. I’m here to help.
In what may (or may not) be my final T-shirt redesign for the Retropolis Transit Authority, we can now have our speed of light in two flavors: imperial and metric. Because a constant is a constant, regardless of your preferred unit of measure. Otherwise we’d call it something else, right?
I’ve worked out and tested my redirect system for the old Retropolis Transit links. The search engines may not quite catch on, but in the long run that won’t matter much since visitors to the old version will get whisked, as though by subatomic weirdness, to their new corresponding pages – except in the case of a retired design, when they’ll get whisked to the first page of shirts instead.
The whisking. I’m telling you, it’s the key to everything.
The reason I’m not sure whether this is the last redesign is that I just haven’t decided whether a couple of the old shirts will get a new version. We’ll have to see. And of course there can always be new T-shirts now that the big switch is complete.
For now, let’s simply be happy in the knowledge that we can have our speed of light and drink from it, too.
Okay, this new t-shirt/poster/etc. was not so much planned as it was inevitable.
STEM programs celebrate Mad Science in all its varieties; after all, there’s no glass ceiling in SCIENTIFIC & TECHNOLOGICAL EVIL MACHINATIONS.
You can cackle in any octave you like, and cackle till the cows come home… or until the cows swoop down over the helpless settlements of your enemies, death rays blazing, with hooves like blades of the sharpest steel. For SCIENCE!
It was only recently that Mad Scientists of a female disposition were paid a mere 70% of what male Mad Scientists took home. But through personal resolve, intense and unflinching bravery, and (finally) the sudden application of electricity, we’ve set that right. The lady scientists of Retropolis can now inspire at least 100% of the fear their male counterparts do.
All is now as it should be.
As usual, this triumph of gender equality can be seen on t-shirts, coffee mugs, posters, mousepads, and archival prints.
What does it take to get those hysterical lab assistants to give you a little elbow room? With all their flustered objections when you’re just about to inject the Essence Of Life into your new Invisible Squidlike Sentient Lifeform?
So what if it regenerates and (if Igor’s correct) may have telepathy and a lethal proboscis? Those babies.
You’d think that a polite cough, or the occasional kick, would make them back away and let you get down to it. But nooooo.
Now, you’ll still need their assistance tomorrow – that is, if Igor’s not correct – so my advice is, keep this in view at all times.
Point at it. Back Off: I’m Doing Science!
As you’ve surely guessed by now, this is the latest of my new, improved and modern! revisions to older T-Shirt designs at the Retropolis Transit Authority. I’ve got just 1.5 new designs to go – plus four troublesome bits of editing on some others – and then I guess I’ll have redone what most needed to be redone, at which point I’ll lean back and say “My job here is redone!” because, by then, my brain will be tired and it won’t be paying any attention to grammar any more.
Yep, it’s still all about the T-shirts here in the Secret Laboratory – except when it’s about the coffee mugs, mousepads, and posters – and what does that mean? It means that I’ve just finished up two more new, improved shirt designs for the Retropolis Transit Authority.
There are about seven more “critical” designs to go before I’m done. Today’s offerings are Yes! In Fact, This IS Rocket Science and No! This is NOT Rocket Science. I haven’t ruled out a Maybe! shirt. But for the moment, anyway, this is where we stand.
So if your current problem falls on one side or the other of the Rocket Science Question take a gander at these as t-shirts, coffee mugs, mousepads, posters, or archival prints over at Retropolis.
With dual ultra-thanatopic oscillators, an impressive range, and their patented Now You See ‘Em, Now You Don’t self-guiding disintegration actualizers, these handy household Death Rays have just about everything the average householder could want – while for those special extras, they’re easily customized!
And because you care about the effect they’ll have on your neighborhood (boy, do you care!) they’re available in seven stylish colors.
Trust me: you do not want to be the last one on your block to have one of these.
It’s a fun and easy way to get rid of those annoying pet stains… even at their source!
Safety note: Death Rays are not guaranteed to be safe when used as directed. That’s sort of the whole point.
Yes, it’s another new version of one of my older T-Shirt designs for The Retropolis Transit Authority: now available on shirts, mugs, posters and archival prints. And if they do ask? I’d say “I got the red one!”
I continue to work on the new versions of The Retropolis Transit Authority and Saga Shirts. A lot of that work is behind the scenes, nuts and bolts stuff that you don’t want to know about but which, occasionally, is pretty clever; or so I tell myself.
As time permits I’m also working up new versions of some of the T-Shirt designs. The newest of these is “I Still Want My Flying Car”.
And no, sorry, I don’t want you to have a flying car; I’ve seen how you drive. I want the only flying car, as you should, too.
So the shirts are done; also the mugs, archival prints, posters, and mousepads.
Some of those pretty clever, invisible things I’ve done are so far only happening at Saga Shirts. I don’t want to implement those changes at the Retropolis Transit Authority until I’ve finished about ten of the new shirt designs, which may take me awhile. But I have to wait on the last stage of my URL redirection until there are new pages to redirect to, for reasons that matter to me and the search engines… but probably not to you.
